


Lose Control

by buriednurbckyrd



Series: Curves & Edges [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Awkward Bucky, Awkward situations, F/M, Fluff, Mildly Dubious Consent, Reader-Insert, Sexy Times, Sort of? - Freeform, but nothing serious, little bit of angst?, natasha and the reader are bffs, plus size reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-07
Updated: 2017-01-27
Packaged: 2018-09-15 13:30:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9237191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buriednurbckyrd/pseuds/buriednurbckyrd
Summary: Natasha brings you a box she needs you to open.  At first it doesn't seem like it holds anything important, but it ends up causing a lot of trouble.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This idea was floating around in my head and I finally decided to start writing it. I also wanted to do a plus sized reader insert because I feel like there aren't ever enough of them.
> 
> Not very fluffy or sexy yet, but I ended deciding it would work better if I broke it up into a few parts. 
> 
> All mistakes are my own.

Y/N leaned back in her chair, arching to stretch her spine. After spending hours combing through what had felt like endless files, she was finally finished with the latest data retrieved from an old HYDRA base. She picked up her mug hoping for a mouthful of tea only to look into an empty cup. 

“Well, fuck.” She said aloud.

“Ooo, language!” Y/N spun in her chair and saluted Natasha with her middle finger. “Is that any way to greet your best friend?” 

“It is when you've run out of Earl Grey after sixteen straight hours of staring at a computer screen,” she pinched the bridge of her nose. “Please don't tell me there's something else.” 

“Can I tell you there's something else if I also brought you a fresh chai latte and a blueberry muffin?” Y/N was afraid she would actually start crying. 

“Naaaat...” She whined. 

“It isn't more files, I swear!” 

“All I want is a grilled cheese and then a dark room with a bed.” Natasha held out the drink and pastry as a peace offering, grinning when Y/N took them. Biting into her muffin, she gestured for her friend to speak. 

“I just need to you open this box.” Y/N narrowed her eyes and swallowed a mouthful of spicy tea. 

“I find that hard to believe.”

“That's it, I promise. Anything inside can wait until you've gotten some rest.”

“And the reason Tony can't do it…?” 

“It needs a delicate touch. We don't know if there's anything inside, but it there is we don't want to risk it being sliced in half or torched.” Y/N sighed and threw the wrapper from her muffin into the trash before holding her hands out for the box. 

It was heavy for such a small container, about half the size of an average shoe box. A complex looking combination lock stared up at her, most of the markings caked in dust. She gently scraped at one of the dials with a finger nail. 

“Even if I could get this clean enough to try and figure out the combination, there are twelve digits. I'll have to take it apart.” She stood up and started rummaging through a drawer, pulling out a pair of magnifying glasses and a set of tiny screwdrivers. Natasha sat in the abandoned chair and started flipping through the information Y/N had just finished collecting while she went to work on the box. The Russian tried to keep her face neutral while her friend muttered curses at the inanimate object. A pile of impossibly small screws formed on the table. Natasha looked up from the paper she was skimming and smiled as Y/N carefully removed the top of the box. 

“That was fast.” 

“I may be exhausted, but I'm good at what I do- Oh you have got to be fucking kidding me.” Natasha frowned.

“What's the matter?”

“It's a mostly disintegrated, and might I add _empty_ , envelope and a few lines of nonsense on a scrap of paper that isn't in much better shape. I postponed my sandwich and sleep for fifty years of dust and some bits of paper?” She sneezed violently and scowled. “I better not be getting sick now, too.” Y/N sealed the old pieces of paper in a bag and placed it in a larger box with the box she had disassembled. 

“I'm sorry it was nothing, sweetie. And I'm sorry I had to bother you.” Y/N sighed and rubbed at her nose. 

“No, I'm sorry I snapped at you. It's my job, and it isn't your fault. I'm just overtired.” She put her tools away and yawned. “It might not be nothing, but whatever is on that paper is beyond my knowledge. It looked like chemical compounds or something. I'll get it to Bruce, he has a better chance of understanding what it is.” 

“Go get some food and some sleep, Y/N. It can wait.” Natasha said gently. 

“No arguments from me,” she replied and surprised her friend by wrapping her up in a hug. “Why do you always smell good? Ugh. I'm loopy. Later, Nat.” Natasha chuckled as her friend stepped back and wandered away. Apparently the lack of sleep was making Y/N extra affectionate. 

…

Bucky smelled something delicious. It reminded him of home, a home he still couldn't quite remember, but it made an odd pleasant feeling stir inside of him. Sniffing at the air he followed the smell to the kitchen. Y/N was standing at the stove, and he could see one of her famous grilled cheese sandwiches in the pan. There was something about the woman that made him feel safe and happy. Everything in her appearance was soft. Where Wanda was tall and slender, and Natasha was compact and strong, Y/N was all rounded curves. He liked that she wasn't a fighter, but knew that she took her basic training seriously and could definitely defend herself if there was ever a need. It made him angry when people underestimated her, but she didn't let anyone get away with it. 

He thought about the one time the women had talked him and Steve into going out for a few drinks. Y/N had gone up to the bar and a drunk man swaying on his bar stool had not taken her polite denial to his advances very kindly. Bucky's blood had boiled as he listened to the man insult her. She just looked at him with a calm expression while she waited for her drink. 

_“You sure have a lot to say, don't you?”_ She had said. _“But sweetie, I'm the same fat ass you were just hitting on. You aren't offended by my body, you're having a tantrum because I said no. Have a good night.”_

He watched her flip her sandwich onto a plate and turn the stove off. 

“Why does food smell so much better when someone else is cooking it?” He wondered out loud. Y/N jumped a little and turned to him with a sleepy looking smile. 

“Just one of life's little mysteries I guess.” He stepped closer to her. 

“Are you all right?” She looked a little dazed. 

“I'm greaaat.” She replied. “Well. Maybe a little hot after standing over the stove.” Bucky nearly bit his tongue when she pulled off her tee shirt. 

“Um, Doll?” Y/N giggled and swung the fabric over her head before tossing it at him. 

“I love it when you call me 'Doll'. Say it again.” He was rooted to the spot in confusion. Y/N was a confident woman, never making any suggestion that didn't love and appreciate her body, but she was still modest. Tony had walked in on her changing one day and she had made it very clear that she was less than pleased. 

“Should I get Natasha? Or Wanda?” He blushed and tried to keep his eyes over her head. Bras had changed a lot since the 40s, and it was taking a lot of will power to not stare at how the silky material held her breasts. 

“Bringing up other women when it's just the two of us? Not very nice, Bucky.” She stuck her lip out in an exaggerated pout and started moving towards him. 

“Maybe you should just eat your sandwich a-and head to bed. You look kind of tired.” 

“You're breaking my heart...” She purred and ran her hands up his chest, resting them on his broad shoulders. “First you mention my girl friends and then you say I 'look tired'.” 

“Look, D- um, Y/N,” he swallowed and tried to ignore how she was pressed up against him. “Have you been drinking? You aren't usually this… Friendly.” She fiddled with the zipper of his hoodie. 

“I'm always friendly,” she murmured. “I'm a friendly kind of girl.” Bucky cleared his throat and took her hands, pulling away to look her in the eye. 

“Maybe that wasn't the right word. You aren't usually this _touchy_.” 

“It's about time I was. You should be touched. Lord knows I've wanted to. Fuck! You drive me crazy! I just want to get you out of all those layer you're always wearing.” She pulled her hands out of his and unzipped his sweater, pushing the material down his arms. 

“Hey! Y/N this isn't like you! What the hell is going on?” Her behavior was starting to really worry him. He grabbed her chin and took a good look at her face. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were glassy. Her pupils were so dilated he could hardly see the color of them. “FRIDAY! I need Natasha and Wanda, now! Something is wrong with Y/N!” She continued to touch him, and by the time the women showed up Y/N was actually nuzzling into his chest. 

“What the hell?” Natasha looked pissed. “What happened to her shirt, Barnes?” 

“She took it off! I don't know what she's been drinking, but I can't get her to stop _touching_ me.” 

“Y/N, sweetie, you're tired. Come on, let's get you to bed.” Natasha tried to pull her away from Bucky, who was gritting his teeth at this point, trying not to react. 

“Don't be a party pooper, Nat.” She slurred. Natasha frowned and took in her friend's appearance. 

“She can't have been drinking, I saw her thirty minutes ago. There's no way she could get this drunk in that amount of time.” Wanda touched Y/N's forehead. 

“It is not from alcohol. I see no memories of eating or drinking anything after the food you gave her.” 

“I doubt it was the Starbucks.” She said dryly. Bucky yelped as Y/N wriggled out of Natasha's hold and wrapped herself around him again, grabbing onto his butt. 

“Sorry Nat, I think Bucky's my favorite ex-ASSassin.” She giggled.

“Oh for the love of… FRIDAY! Please scan Y/N, can you see anything wrong? Maybe she hit her head or something.” Natasha pried her friend off of the man. Y/N groaned and pouted. 

“I can see no evidence of trauma,” FRIDAY's cool tone announced. “However her body is displaying signs similar to someone that has recently used an illicit substance.” 

“Drugs? Y/N?” Natasha grabbed her face. “What did you take?” 

“I didn't take anything. I just want Bucky. He's so pretty.” 

“Natasha, what is the last thing you saw her do?” Wanda asked, trying to calm everyone down. 

“I got that box away from Tony before he could break it, and I brought it to her lab to see if she could open it. She took it apart, it was practically empty, she packed it up.” 

“The box that was found at the HYDRA base? What was inside?” 

“Nothing really! Dust and a piece of paper. And an old envelope, but it was practically falling apart and it was empty.” Natasha frowned and appeared to be thinking again. “She said the paper looked like it had information about some kind of chemical. She breathed in a lot of dust, it made her sneeze.” 

“Maybe someone should take another look?” Bucky suggested. 

“I'm going to call Bruce, but we should get her to medical. She feels really warm.” 

“I'm _hot_ ,” Y/N whined. “And dizzy.” 

“I'll get Bruce, you and Wanda take care of her.” Bucky said, feeling panic begin to set in. 

Wanda and Natasha had a difficult time leading Y/N to the medical wing. With Bucky out of sight her affection spilled on to her friends, gushing about how much she loved them. Wanda ended up with her hair sloppily braided after the short ride in the elevator. 

“Okay, let's get you into a bed.” Natasha attempted to lead her while the other woman was clinging to her side. 

“Heeyyy where did Buckaroo go?” She giggled madly while her friends did their best to get her settled in one of the rooms. “I love him so much, you don't even know. Never makes me feel like the weird fat girl.” Natasha felt a little pang in her heart.

“No one thinks you're a weird fat girl, Y/N.” She tugged off Y/N's sneakers. Y/N laid back on the bed and laughed.

“I know _you_ don't. It's different with guys, Nah-tash-ah,” she exaggerated each syllable of her name. “I'm either the sister one or the friend one. It's okay though! I like being the friend one.” She pulled on Natasha's arm. “I want to be the friend one with Bucky. Noooo…” she made a face and groaned in frustration. “Date friend.” She sat up and put her hand over her mouth. 

“Y/N?” Natasha looked her friend over in alarm. 

“I don't feel good Nattie.” Wanda moved quickly and pushed a trash can in front of her before she was violently sick. 

“Oh god, do you think she was poisoned?” Natasha looked over at Wanda, her eyes wide with fear. 

“I do not know. We need to try and get her temperature down, she is very warm.” Wanda rubbed soothing circles on Y/N's back while she gagged over the bin. “FRIDAY, please contact Dr. Cho, it is an emergency.”

…

The first thing she felt as she woke up was her miserably dry throat, but the throbbing headache was a close second. She opened her eyes and moaned, throwing her hand over her face to block the bright sunlight. 

“Sorry, I'll close the blinds.” 

“Nat?” Y/N croaked. 

“Yeah, it's me. They're shut, you can open your eyes again.” 

“I feel like I drank a liquor store, what the hell happened?” Natasha helped her sit up slowly, and then handed her a cup with some ice chips. 

“Not too fast with the ice, don't want to upset your stomach.” She sat back down in the chair beside the bed. “How much do you remember?” Y/N sucked on a chunk of ice for a moment, trying to think back. 

“I remember you came to my lab,” she said slowly. “I opened something for you?” She looked over at Natasha and the woman nodded. “It was just…Empty.” 

“Well, not quite.” 

“Oh right, the paper.”

“And the envelope.” Natasha reminded her. 

“That was definitely empty.”

“And it was super dusty.”

“Well, yeah it was super old.” Y/N took another spoonful of ice. 

“Some of the dust was a very powerful drug, and you inhaled a lot of it.” Y/N rubbed her forehead absently but didn't respond. “There was actually a little bit of information about it in those files you analyzed, HYDRA was using it to incapacitate people. The target would be drugged, and get nice and friendly. Inhibitions are lowered, tongues loosened, and after the information was spilled the person would be left dangerously sick. If they survived, they wouldn't remember a thing.” 

“I roofied myself?” 

“I wouldn't necessarily put it exactly like that, but yeah. Lucky for everyone Barnes found you cooking your post work, pre bed snack.” 

“My hero. I should thank him.” Natasha snorted. “What's so funny?”

“You gave him quite a show, maybe he should thank you.” Heat bloomed on Y/N's face. 

“What are you talking about?” 

“I guess you took of your shirt and threw it at him like some kind of strip tease,” Natasha swallowed down her laughter as best she could. “By the time me and Wanda showed up to help, you were practically climbing him!” 

“Oh my fucking god, I'm gonna throw up. Please tell me you're joking!” 

“You grabbed his ass!” 

“Noooo...”

“And you told me and Wanda that you love him.” Natasha's voice took on a more serious edge. 

“It was just the drug, I didn't know what the hell I was saying.” 

“The drug lowered your inhibitions and made you more willing to be completely honest,” Natasha reminded her. “It wouldn't have made you say something you didn't already think or feel.” 

“Fine, I love him like a friend. Can you go now? My head is killing me, hopefully literally because this is humiliating.” She rolled over in the bed with her back to Natasha. 

“I don't think you love him just as a friend, sweetie. And I know you know I'm right.” 

“It doesn't matter how I feel about him, Nat. We're two very different people and friends are all we'll ever be.” Natasha rounded the bed and glared at Y/N, arms crossed in a no nonsense kind of way. 

“For being one of the smartest people I know, you sure can be an idiot.”

“Should I get out of bed so you can actually kick me while I'm down? Leave me alone! I feel like death, and I can't remember a time when I've ever felt more embarrassed.” She pulled the blanket tighter around her body and felt the prickle of tears in her eyes. Natasha's face softened. 

“I'm sorry.” She said quietly and sat down on the edge of the bed. “You scared the shit out of me, you know?” Y/N smiled weakly.

“I don't think I've ever heard you admit to that.” 

“Treasure this moment, because you'll never hear it again, you bitch.” She shook her head and let out a soft laugh. “Seeing you so out of it, not knowing what was wrong or if you would be alright, it was awful. But what hurts even more is knowing that there's still a part of you that doesn't think you're worth everything. If you would just open those pretty little eyes of yours and actually see what's in front of you, you might realize that what you want is just waiting for you to admit to it and take a chance.” 

“How can I even look at him after the way I acted, Nat? I pretty much assaulted the guy.” 

“No one blames you for that, least of all him.” She stood up and smoothed Y/N's hair back off of her face. “I think you should get some rest, lick your wounds for a little while, and when you're feeling more like your normal, amazing self… You _talk_ to him. I think you'll find that those differences you seem to be hung up on are only skin deep.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's kind of short, sorry!

It took a good three days for Y/N to feel normal. Waking up the morning of the third day without the throbbing headache was an enormous relief. Light didn't hurt her eyes anymore, and food didn't make her stomach cramp. She crept gingerly to her bathroom on wobbly legs, the idea of a hot shower too good to pass up now that she didn't feel like her head would split in two. She had to lean on against the wall and she stood under the spray, but by the time she got out she felt stronger that she had in days. 

It was taking considerably longer for her to work past her embarrassment. By the time two weeks had passed since the incident, Natasha was losing patience with her friend. And she was determined to give her a firm push in the right direction. 

Y/N usually worked closely with Tony, they had a similar intellect and their personalities balanced well. But when he had gotten a look at the security footage during her accidental drugging, seeing and hearing undeniable proof that she harbored an enormous crush on Bucky, he couldn't help but tease her like an older brother might. Under normal circumstances Y/N would have shrugged off his jokes, but her feelings for Bucky were a sensitive subject for her and she had been avoiding him, choosing instead to help Bruce analyze the very substance that had caused the whole mess. 

She had also avoided spending any extended amount of time with her best friend, knowing it was only a matter of time until she was forced to face the music. 

“Hiding out with Bruce, Y/N?” Natasha chirped as she strode into the lab. Y/N looked up and scowled. 

“I'm not 'hiding', I'm helping.” 

“You're doing both.” Bruce said mildly. She shot him a miserable look. 

“Et tu, Bruce?” Natasha rolled her eyes and pulled an envelope out of her pocket, slapping it down on the table. Y/N pushed it away with her pencil. “I've had enough of mystery envelopes to last a life time, thanks.” 

“You're lucky I love you.” Natasha opened it and showed her a pair of tickets. “There's a special showing of _Singin' in the Rain_ tomorrow night at that vintage theater you like.” 

“Really? That's my favorite movie!” She took the tickets from Natasha and grinned. “This is really awesome, thank you! Should we make a night of it and go out for dinner too?” 

“I'm sure Bucky would love to have dinner with you.” Y/N narrowed her eyes and set the tickets back down. 

“Nat.” 

“Y/N. You've spent the last two weeks tip toeing around here, totally obvious by the way, and Barnes thinks you're mad at him. So you're gonna get over yourself and go invite him out for dinner and a movie because it's time you've ended this little pity party.” 

“It's my pity party and I'll wallow if I want to.” 

“Y/N, as your best friend-”

“Debatable at the moment.” 

“As your best friend,” Natasha repeated. “You know I would never steer you in the wrong direction.” Y/N sighed and picked up the tickets. 

“He really thinks I'm mad at him?” 

“Yes.” Natasha and Bruce said at the same time. Y/N's face fell. “Which is why you need to listen to me.” 

“Okay. I'll go find him.” She said, shrugging out of her lab coat. 

“He's in the gym!” Natasha called out as she left. 

…

She felt awful, but the more she thought about the last few weeks the more she realized she shouldn't have been very surprised to find out that Bucky thought she was upset with him. It was unusual for them to go days without spending any time together, unless he was on a mission. Even if it was just sitting together in the morning while they drank coffee. By the time she was standing outside the gym, she wasn't sure if she had the courage to do it anymore. Her stomach clenched with nerves and her mouth went dry. _Come on_ , she thought. _You've asked people out before. Just be honest with him, he's one of your closest friends. If he doesn't want it to be a date, then you just go as friends, no big deal! But what if he doesn't even want to go..._

“Looking for Bucky?” Y/N yelped and jumped back from the door. She had been so caught up in her thoughts she didn't realize Steve had opened the door. 

“I-uh...” She swallowed hard. 

“He's in the back knocking the bag around. Probably welcome an interruption.” He smiled at her. 

“Right. I'll just go back and, um, find him. Thanks.” Steve squeezed her shoulder before walking past her. Y/N took a deep breath and walked towards the back of the gym. It didn't take long before she heard muffled grunts and the sounds of fists hitting one of the punching bags. She stopped in her tracks and watched him in awe.

His tee shirt clung to every muscle, damp with the sweat of physical exertion. His dark, shaggy hair was pulled back in a low bun, but he still paused every few hits to push some loose strands out of his eyes. When it looked like he was winding down she cleared her throat to get his attention. 

“Hey,” he panted. “Long time no see.” Y/N flushed and looked away.

“Yeah, about that...” Bucky picked up a towel and wiped at his face. 

“I meant that as a good thing. I missed you.” He stepped closer. “How have you been?” She was quiet for a moment, finding it difficult to look him in the eye. 

“Better than the last time I saw you.” She finally said. “I want to apologize for how I acted, it was so inappropriate-” 

“Don't be stupid. There's nothing to apologize for.” 

“The girls told me what happened, I'm so embarrassed!” She covered her burning face with her hands. 

“I wish they hadn't have done that.” He said. “Look, you ain't responsible for that, okay? We all know that it wasn't you, the real you. It was an accident.” 

“I'm still sorry. I hate knowing that I lost control like that.” He sighed and lifted her chin with the tip of his finger. Her eyes still lingered over his neck. 

“Look at me, Doll.” Her eyes flicked up to meet his. “I'm the last person to hold grudge because someone wasn't in their right mind. I just want my friend back.” Y/N's heart thudded in her chest so hard she was sure he could hear it. 

“I want my friend back, too.” She whispered. “But...” She bit her lip. 

“Talk to me.” Bucky brushed her hair back and smiled at her. 

“Did Natasha tell you anything about what I was drugged with?” He shook his head.

“Just that it was some kind of powder you inhaled when you opened the box.”

“HYDRA used it to get secrets out of people. It lowers inhibitions and makes you extremely willing to be honest. About everything.” When he didn't respond she continued. “It's why I feel so guilty. I _wanted_ you. Everything I said was the truth, but it feels cheap and dirty because I had no control over _how_ it was said.” 

“A-are you saying what I think you're saying?” Bucky asked, his voice so low she could barely hear him. 

“I'm saying that I really like you, and I want to be more than friends. In fact, I'm pretty sure that I'm in love with you-” She was cut off by Bucky pulling her into a kiss. For a few seconds she was so shocked, she couldn't react. Y/N had kept her feelings for Bucky a secret for so long, and then spent the past few weeks more embarrassed that she had ever been in her life… Being in his arms with his lips pressed against hers was the last place she had expected to find herself. Bucky pulled back when she didn't kiss him back. 

“Sorry, that wasn't very smooth or romantic, was it?” Y/N grinned and slid her arms around his waist, not caring that he was still sweaty. 

“At least you didn't grab my ass in front of your best friend.” He barked out a laugh and rested his forehead against hers. 

“I believe a gentleman would ask a lady out for dinner first.” She pulled the tickets out of her pocket. 

“Is it alright if the lady does the asking? Natasha got tickets for my favorite movie, it's playing tomorrow night at this theater I like, they play lots of old movies. Maybe we could have dinner before the show?” Bucky stroked her cheek with his thumb. 

“It's a date, Doll.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it! I really appreciate every comment y'all leave me :3


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky and Y/N's date!

“You know I don't think you actually thanked me for all of this.” Natasha said while flicking through a rack of clothes. Y/N snorted. 

“I'm the one that put myself out there, Nat. He could have laughed in my face.” 

“Barnes would never laugh in your face. He's a great guy, and anyone that's spent any amount of time around the two of you can see how much he cares about you.” Natasha paused at a skirt, but dismissed it and continued looking. “And I'm still waiting!” Y/N sighed and chuckled.

“Thank you, Natasha. You're the best friend a girl could ever wish for.” She nudged Wanda with her elbow. “You too, weird-o.” 

“I am not sure I did anything to help with you asking Bucky out on a date.” Wanda replied with a confused expression. 

“Maybe not, but you're here helping me pick out a first date outfit!” Y/N picked up a blouse and held it against her chest. “I don't know why I'm making a big deal out of this. I've been on dates before.” She wrinkled her nose at the shirt and put it back. The truth was she was nearly paralyzed with nerves. There had never been anyone like Bucky, and something inside of her told her that there would never be anyone else. 

“You're allowed to be excited,” Natasha told her with a soft smile. “I know people have… Let you down in the past, but don't let those memories keep you from being happy now.” 

“I feel like my heart is going to beat out of my chest like some kind of cartoon. I've wanted this for so long it doesn't feel like it's real.” Wanda patted her arm reassuringly.

“His thoughts were very loud at breakfast this morning. I assure you, it is very real.” Y/N blushed bright red. 

“Um, thanks.” She mumbled. Neither one of her friends missed the way she grinned and blushed. Natasha let out a whistle and held up a dress. 

“I found the winner!”

“Oh, Natasha, it is so beautiful.” Wanda sighed and fingered the soft fabric. Y/N eyed it warily. 

“I'm not sure Nat, it's a little...” She made a vague gesture. 

“Just try it on, please? If you don't like it on we'll find something else.” She took a deep breath and took the dress into a changing room. Wanda and Natasha stood outside for several minutes waiting for her to emerge and model for them. Only silence came from the room. 

“Y/N? Are you okay?” Wanda tapped the door. When there was no response Natasha tried the handle. 

“Come on, sweetie. It's fine if you don't like it.” The door opened and Y/N stepped out in the dress. Her eyes were full of tears. “Hey! You look fantastic! What's wrong?” Natasha cried in alarm. Y/N waved her off and shook her head. 

“I'm sorry, there's nothing wrong. I just really love it.” She turned around in front of a mirror, looking at herself from several angles. “Wow. Okay. I know the tears are a bit much, but I just can't believe how good I feel in this.” Natasha threw an arm over her shoulders and grinned at their reflections. 

“I saw the perfect pair of shoes in the front of the store.” 

“I think I'll wear those earrings you got me for Christmas,” Y/N said. “I can't wait for tonight.”

…

Bucky was a nervous wreck. He had changed his clothes four times before dragging Steve into his room for advice. The blond had taken one look at torn up closet and started to laugh. It earned him a solid punch in the shoulder. 

“It's not funny, punk!” 

“It's a little funny, Buck. Seventy years ago you had more confidence than you knew what to do with, now you're shaking in your boots over a date.” Bucky scowled at him. “Alright, sorry. What's the problem?” 

“I don't know what to wear.” He muttered. “If you laugh again I'll kick your ass.” Steve bit the inside of his cheek. 

“I know the restaurant she picked, it isn't too fancy. And then it's just a movie, right? It's no big deal.” Bucky groaned in frustration. 

“It is to me!” He scrubbed his human hand over his face. “Y/N went shopping with the girls, I overheard them making plans. She's gonna look amazing.” _Too good for me_ , he thought to himself. _I should count myself lucky that I got to kiss her once._

It wasn't about the clothes, but how could he tell Steve that? When she had told him that she had feelings for him, he had been so happy. Bucky was sure he started to fall for Y/N from the first moment they met, but never expected for her to return those feelings. True, she always seemed to like spending time together, but Y/N was nice to everyone. Then that night happened, that night she inhaled the drug and her body had pressed up against his. All of his instincts told him there was something wrong, and thank goodness he had listened instead of giving in to how good it felt to have her touch him. His heart had ached when he found out she was under the influence. Things may have worked out, but the guilt still lingered. Just because she had wanted him, she didn't consent to act on those desires. She felt guilty because she lost control, he felt guilty because a part of him had _liked_ it. 

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that, Buck. I just meant that you shouldn't get antsy about something like clothes.” Steve rubbed the back of his neck. “I, uh, don't think I'm the best guy to ask about it though. Maybe we could ask T-” 

“Finish that sentence and I'll make you eat your shoes.” Bucky had had enough of Tony Stark's mocking to last his incredibly long lifetime, there was no way in hell he would give him more ammunition. Steve sighed. 

“Okay, then we wing it. I'm gonna say, less than a tux, but more than your regular duds.” Bucky let his breath out, feeling more at ease with his best friend helping him. 

…

The relief didn't last long. Somehow the time for the date came quicker than he was prepared for. Bucky insisted that he 'pick her up' from her rooms to make it feel more like two people going out for a romantic dinner and less like two buddies grabbing a bite to eat. Cursing the anxiety churning in his stomach, for god's sake he was _The Winter Solider_ , he rapped his knuckles against her door harder than he intended to. Y/N answered almost immediately. 

“I'm so glad you're on time, I was in here completely freaking out.” She said with a breathy laugh. Bucky stared at her with wide eyes. 

“Wow, you look really…Wow.” He said. She giggled and did a slow turn. The dress was a deep ruby red, hugging all of her soft curves in a way that had a lump forming in Bucky's throat. The neck line dipped in a V and the skirt ended at her knees, showing off more of her skin then he was used to seeing, except of course for that night she was drugged, and left him hoping to see more in the near future. 

“Thanks, Bucky,” she replied shyly, reaching out and running her palm over his arm. “You look really handsome.” In the end, he had settled on all black. It was the dominant color of his wardrobe and what he was most comfortable in. 

“I got nothin' on you, Doll.” He told her, and the resulting blush that stained her cheeks gave him a small boost of confidence. Maybe he hadn't lost all of his charm. “Should we get going?” He asked and offered his arm. Y/N grabbed a small clutch and shut her door before slipping her arm into his. 

“I think you're going to like the restaurant. They have great food, but it's a small, family owned place. I thought you'd be more comfortable somewhere that wouldn't be super crowded.” They took the elevator down the ground floor and stepped out into the cool evening air. “It's not really far, and it's close to the theater, if you don't mind the walk?” She smiled up at him. 

“I don't mind at all.” He replied. 

Just as she said, it was a short walk, only a few blocks away. The restaurant was tucked in between a drug store and a florist. There were few people already inside, but not so many that Bucky was uneasy. He went to open the door for her before she stopped him.

“What-?” Y/N went up on her tip toes and gave him a gentle kiss. Bucky grinned. “What was that for?” 

“I just wanted to. And you seemed like you were a little tense.” He cupped her cheek and leaned down to kiss her again. 

“I feel much better now.” 

During dinner, Bucky relaxed into their companionship. Y/N told him about her recent work in the lab with Dr. Banner, glossing over the more awkward details, like few side effects she could remember. He loved listening to her, even if he didn't quite understand everything she was talking about. 

“I'm sorry, I just keep going on about work.” Y/N laughed and pushed her plate aside. “I haven't gone on a date in so long, I guess I forgot how to not talk shop.” 

“I like hearing about your work. A lot of it's over my head, but I don't mind.” A waitress appeared at his elbow to clear away their plates. 

“Any coffee or dessert tonight, folks?” She asked. Bucky looked at Y/N. 

“I couldn't even finish my entree.” She said with a shrug. “But you go ahead, Buck.” He shook his head. 

“No thank you, just the check.” 

There was a little disagreement over who would pay; Y/N insisting that she had asked him out, Bucky torn between his 1940s manners and not wanting to offend her independence. He compromised and left a generous tip. 

On the short walk to the theater, Y/N told him a little bit about the movie. He took her hand, loving the way their fingers laced together. When they got to the theater, handed over their tickets, and found seats, his arm went around her shoulders and she leaned against him like they had done it a thousand times. During the film, she shocked him by reaching over and taking his metal hand into hers, stroking her thumb over his knuckles. A warmth spread through his chest, watching her touch what he considered a deadly weapon in such a tender way. Bucky was never comfortable with his arm, always aware of where it came from and what he had used it to do. The fact that Y/N didn't shy away from it, treated it like it was just a normal part of his body was his own personal miracle. 

After the movie they filed out of the theater slowly behind the rest of the crowd. She talked about all her favorite parts, filled with happiness that Bucky seemed to really enjoy it. Out on the street she did a little twirl with a laugh. 

“When I was little I wanted to learn how to tap dance like Debbie Reynolds so badly, but my family just didn't have the money for lessons.” Bucky took her hand and pulled her into his arms, swaying gently. 

“I'd love to dance with you sometime.” She smiled.

“Not many places to do that kind of dancing these days. People tend to grind on each other in clubs instead.” 

“Maybe we can just dance on our own.” He said, tucking her hair behind her ear. “Y/N… I have to tell you something.” She looked up at him, her brow furrowed in apprehension.

“What is it, Bucky?”

“You know how you told me that you were pretty sure you were in love with me?” Y/N bit her lip and nodded. “I-I… I'm pretty sure I love you too.” She slipped her hand behind his neck and pulled him down for a kiss. Her tongue ran over this bottom lip, the feeling sending a jolt down his spine. His hands slid down her back, hers up his chest. They both seemed to remember that they were still standing out on a New York City street at the same and pulled apart. Bucky rested his forehead against hers, willing his heart to slow down. 

“Take me home, Bucky.” She murmured. He took a step back, afraid he had crossed a line. She laughed softly and fingered the buttons of his shirt. “I'm not ready to say goodnight just yet.” Her eyes held a number of tempting promises. Hoping to make the trip back to the tower shorter, Bucky stepped up to the curb and lifted a hand to hail a cab, his other was holding fast to Y/N.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At least one more chapter after this, might be the last one! Hope you liked it! (As always, all the mistakes are my own..)


	4. Chapter 4

Bucky and Y/N shared heated looks in the back of the cab on the short drive back to the tower. When they pulled up to the curb, he handed the driver a handful of bills without looking before grabbing her wrist and tugging her out and inside the building. Y/N laughed when he wrapped his arms around her in the elevator. 

“I can't tell you how long I've wanted you in my arms like this.” He murmured against her neck, teeth grazing the sensitive skin making her shudder in his hold. 

“Why didn't you say anything?” She asked. The doors opened and she realized they were on his floor. 

“Honestly? I was terrified of you.” He frowned. “I must have pushed for my rooms without thinking. I can take you back to yours if you want...” Y/N lead him out into the hall. 

“I don't care where you take me, Bucky. I just want to be with you.” She said, her tone making it abundantly clear just how she wanted to be with him. “But why on earth were you 'terrified' of me? I'm just a science monkey.” He chuckled at her confusion as they made their way to his bedroom. “I mean, sure, I can throw a decent punch and handle a gun but that's pretty much standard procedure when you work here.” Bucky pushed her up against the wall and attacked her lips, drawing a surprised gasp from her. Somewhere in her mind she processed that he was kicking off his boots, and she was impressed how he didn't need to stop kissing her to do it. 

“Why didn't you ever say anything to me? Before… everything.” He asked quietly when he finally broke away. Y/N flushed bright red.

“I-I… I was afraid.” She finally answered. 

“Of?” Y/N turned her face away from him.

“Of being rejected. Of seeing you look at me with pity.” She looked down at their joined hands. “And maybe… I was afraid that you wouldn't and we would end up like this and then maybe you'd stop wanting something to happen when you saw… all of me.” Bucky lifted her hands to his lips and kissed every one of her finger tips. 

“Maybe I was afraid of all the same things.” 

“What?” She looked at him in shock. “Bucky, you're so amazing! Tough, smart, and hilarious, I might add.” He smiled a bit at that. “And you're… You're gorgeous, Buck. Look up tall, dark, and handsome in the dictionary I'm sure there's a just a picture of you.” 

“Does this picture include my bionic metal arm?” He deadpanned. 

“You know I'm not scared of that, right? I never was.” He watched her stroke the gleaming metal, the action proving her words. “I don't know how anyone _wouldn't_ adore you.” She said. 

“That's how I feel about you.” He told her. “You are so beautiful, inside and out. I've never met another person as brilliant as you are, and yes I'm including Stark in that.” She grinned. “You're so gorgeously soft, Y/N. There's nothing about you that I don't want to hold onto, that I don't want to see.” Her arms went around his neck and pulled him in for another kiss. She kicked her own shoes off, giggling against his lips when she lost the few extra inches they gave her. He huffed in mild frustration and pulled her towards his bed. Once seated, the height difference wasn't an issue and she nibbled at his bottom lip. Sliding her tongue against his when his lips parted, she nearly sighed at the taste of him. He tensed when she began to undo the buttons of his shirt, breaking the kiss and watching her with dark eyes. She just smiled and finished the job, pushing it off his shoulders and down his arms. Her eyes traced the scars that littered his skin and he half expected her to expression to change to one of disgust. When her fingers followed the trail of her gaze, he let out the breath he had been holding. 

“Y/N...” His voice was barely a whisper. 

“Nothing about you scares me, Bucky.” She said gently. She touched the puckered skin of his shoulder, where metal fused with skin. The scarring was obviously the worst there, but she showed no signs of aversion. He gasped when she leaned in and peppered the area with soft kisses, murmuring sweet words as she went. Bucky was undone, and his heart swelled. He lifted his hands and slowly, so she could see exactly what he was doing, reached for the zipper at the back of her dress. Apprehension colored her face but she nodded and pulled her hair to the side so he could ease it down her back. 

Y/N stood up and slipped the fabric off of her body, her lip caught in her teeth. Bucky held out a hand so she could steady herself and step out of the dress. She thanked her lucky stars that she had let Natasha and Wanda talk her into some new underthings. The red satin made her feel more confident, and when Bucky slid off the bed and onto his knees before her she felt powerful. 

“You're so fucking gorgeous, Doll.” He cupped her breasts with a low groan. “You're _perfect_.” She ran her fingers through his hair as he nipped and kissed her sensitive skin. Her head fell back when he unclasped her bra and threw it aside. “I could happily spend the rest of my life touching you.”

“I think I could be okay with that.” She said with a shaky laugh. “Maybe we could get back in your bed so you can really get started.” 

“I like the way you think.” Y/N giggled and shrieked as he tossed her onto the mattress. 

“Bucky!” He was on top of her in an instant, smirking down at her. “You just threw me around like a caveman, you brute!” She couldn't hide the amused excitement on her face.

“And you _loved_ it.” He growled, sucking a bruise on her collar bone. 

“Yes.” She moaned and dragged her nails down his back. Bucky shivered and kissed down her body. He felt her undo his pants and he sucked in a harsh breath when her fingers grazed his arousal. 

“God, you drive me crazy.” He breathed. 

“The feeling is mutual.” She replied, pushing his pants down. Bucky rid himself of his final pieces of clothing, tossing them to the floor. “Hell-o, Sarge.” Y/N purred. 

“Like what you see?” He asked with a cocky grin. She nodded with a smile and crossed her arms over herself. “Uh-uh, don't go covering yourself up now. I love what I'm seeing.” He hooked his fingers just under the waistband of her panties. “Can I…?” 

“Yes… I need you.” He eased the satin down her thick thighs, kissing her legs as he went. 

“Mmm… You feel like silk, Doll.” He cupped her heat and she arched, pressing herself against his hand. “Goddamn, I don't know how much longer I can wait.” He groaned. 

“Then don't.” Y/N whispered. “I need you,” she repeated. “Please… James.” The sound of his given name broke down the last bit of patience he had remaining and he lined himself up with her. 

“You're sure?” 

“I've never been more sure.” She answered, before letting out a loud cry when he slid inside of her. “Oh! James!” He pulled her legs up, encouraging her to wrap them around his hips as he drove himself deep. He rested his forehead against hers, desperately trying to hold onto his control, One of her hands tangled in his hair, tugging hard by the roots and he slammed against her with a grunt. He was overwhelmed by her, feeling her tighten around him in the most intimate way was wearing down his stamina. 

“Shit, Y/N… You keep doing that and this ain't gonna last too much longer.” He panted. She moaned and rolled her hips, making him lose his rhythm. Determined to get her there with him, he slipped his metal fingers between her legs while he continued to thrust, searching for that little bundle of nerves. When she pulled his hair again and let out a string of curses he knew he had found it. 

“Oh my g-god...” She stuttered. “James, I-I'm...” He leaned down and kissed her, licking and biting at her lips. 

“Come for me, Doll. I'm right there with you.” She clung to him, digging her nails into his flesh as she reached her peak. With a cry of his name, her body seized up and she trembled in his arms. Her climax triggered his own and he followed her with a shout. 

Exhausted, he gently pulled out of her and shifted so he was lying beside her. Y/N curled up to his side, stroking his hair. He gave her a sleepy smile and threw his arm over her, tracing mindless patterns over her skin. 

“Stay here with me tonight?” He asked quietly. 

“There's no place I'd rather be.” She answered, nuzzling into his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end! I really hope you liked this chapter. I was aiming for sweet and sexy more than full on smut, so I hope I hit the mark. Also, I was deliberately vague with descriptive details because plus size bodies are all very diverse in their beauty so I didn't want anyone to feel left out. 
> 
> I've grown to like writing reader inserts, and I'm happy to hear feedback for this one and I'm open to any suggestions for future works. Thank you so much for reading! -xoxo


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